As a new wife, I often find myself going over Proverbs 31 (verses at the bottom of this post), as a reference in time of need. There are many challenges that come from being a wife, but the Word of God and seeking His presence are our sources of guidance and strength in times of need, no matter how challenging situations may seem. We are more than conquerors through Christ (Romans 8:37). Through our faith, we have already won the victory in any situation!
“because everyone born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world: our faith” (1 John 5:4)
I have only been married less than a year, and I remember before I was married, I vowed to never criticize my husband or be negative. Now, I never criticize him out loud. However I have noticed sometimes my thoughts about him can be very critical, unfairly so, and I have found only through God’s Word am I able to see the Truth in this and ALL situations. Sometimes it can feel hopeless, when the enemy plants thoughts/ lies in our heads, and we do not perceive it is from the enemy because perhaps we have been too busy to spend enough time with the Lord. The enemy always tries to make his way in through any even remotely slightly open door. And if we do not run to God and allow Him to fix the situation, to fix our thoughts and our attitude, these lies from the enemy can create a deep stronghold over our lives and allow for discord, conflict, lack of peace, lack of unity to enter and permeate our lives. What are our thoughts towards our husbands?
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)
We can feel overwhelmed. But we simply DO NOT have to feel this way no matter what the situation. In Christ, we have hope, in Christ, we have been made free and no longer live in bondage. We simply do not have to accept living lives that are not full of JOY, LOVE, PEACE, and all the fruit of the Spirit! (Galatians 5:22-26) We must live Spirit filled lives in order to reap all the promises the Lord has given us, that are in His Word! We must ABIDE IN HIM DAILY!
I have found so much guidance in the passages of Proverbs 31 as a new wife. In the whole Bible, but these passages specifically have helped me in my relationship with my husband and in my role as a wife. I want to share with you just some of the passages, but I recommend you read the full chapter for yourself, and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you through them.
10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no lack of gain.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Prov.31:10-12)
Verses 10 to 12- As women, we set the tone in the home. The Lord has empowered us with a lot of responsibility. As it says in these verses, what really makes us worthy, valuable, is being a virtuous woman. A woman of God. A woman who loves the Lord and seeks His presence daily! Now every woman and man on earth has value as creations of God. But when a person loves the Lord, and gives their life to Him, we become His beloved children. That makes us of extreme value to the Most- High God! That is OUR WORTH! We have immeasurable value!
But to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God– (John 1:12)
Behold what manner of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him. (1 John 3:1)
The verse says WHO can find a virtuous wife? Now, this implies that finding a virtuous woman is not easy. That not every wife is a virtuous wife. And the man who finds one, has truly found a treasure. YOU, by being virtuous, become a TREASURE! Again, this does not mean that wives who have not met Christ yet are not valuable, but it does mean a Godly wife is an incredible, extraordinary BLESSING to her husband and family.
Verses 11-12: Now why is a virtuous wife such a treasure? The next verses explain this. In verse 11, we see that the heart of her husband can SAFELY TRUST her. What does this mean? It means he can confide in us, we are his best friend, and biggest supporter. They can confide to us about anything and can be confident that it will not be on the first page of facebook or instagram the next day, or it won’t be a topic of discussion in the next ladies meeting. We do not humiliate him, privately or in public, nor have a critical spirit toward him. Wow! And we are just getting started! Are we as Godly wives, meeting all of these expectations? It is not just me saying this. This is the Word God, instructing us of what we need to be to be that virtuous wife.
So at this point, we need to examine ourselves, ask the Lord to examine us, do we have our husband’s best interest at heart? Are we truly loving them, according to 1 Corinthians 13? We can only do all these things through the power of God. And we can only acquire that power by spending time with Him daily, and desiring His presence over all things. And we can ask the Lord to give us this desire for Him. To reveal to us any lie of the enemy we have believed and acted upon, to remove it in the name of Jesús, and replace it with His Truth.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my concerns.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me;
lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24
Now another thing I wanted to point out about TRUST, is that, in our relationship with the Lord, as we get to know Him more, we trust Him more. Because we get to know His character. In a much similar way, as our husbands get to know us, they should be able to feel trust in us, because they see the character of Christ reflected through us. When we behave in ungodly ways, we make it difficult for a husband to trust us, because what he is seeing is behavior that is hurtful and lacks integrity. Maybe a husband can feel betrayed or unloved when they are constantly being criticized and having their flaws pointed out. Nobody likes to live with someone like this, and it can cause a breach in unity, trust, and communication. But praise the Lord, we always have our LIVING HOPE. When we acknowledge our sins and repent, and invite the Lord to be the center of our lives, the Holy Spirit will then repair and heal whatever may be broken in us, in Jesús name!
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9)
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. 9 It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. (Proverbs 21:9)
A constant dripping on a rainy day
and a contentious woman are alike—
16 restraining her is like holding back the wind
or grasping oil with one’s right hand.
(Proverbs 27:15-16)
We should also pray to God and ask for a heart that is grateful at all times, and to remove any spirit of ungratefulness, criticism, bitter roots, or lack of forgiveness. Sometimes we have experiences as children that make us behave certain ways, and it is good to always ask the Lord to examine your heart, to remove anything that doesn’t belong. We are new creations in Christ, and we do not have to behave any certain way due to past experiences. We have been MADE NEW!
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Give thanks in every circumstance, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesús.
(1 Thessalonians 5:18)
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.(Proverbs 31:16)
VERSE 16 (see above)- This verse really touched me because I had this ideal that as a woman, I did not have to do much of anything LOL! Then I kept running into feelings of unmet expectations because this is too much of a burden to put on my husband and it is not Biblical! It is simply unrealistic and worldly! As we see here, the virtuous wife is hardworking, and she does so willingly. It means she is happy to do it. To me this means, I should be happy to be able to collaborate in providing for my family. This is part of our responsibility. Taking care of our family means more than doing the dishes and cooking although this is an important part as well, but making sure our family is well taken care of in every sense. On verse 16, we see this woman who is taking an active part in the financial planning of her household, doing her part to make sure her family is provided for, and physically well prepared for any future situation. Praise God that He renews our minds through His Word!
We also see that this woman watches over her household, and takes care of others. In doing so, she receives the praise of her children and husband! She speaks with wisdom, and is not afraid of the future, rather, she actually rejoices in thinking about it! How many times have we thought about the future in fear? Situations which have never actually happened, but the enemy likes to present to us the worst possible scenarios so we lose our faith in God. The virtuous woman both prepares for the future, but she also does not worry about it but rather rejoices about it! That is FAITH! Knowing FULL WELL, that our lives are in God’s hands! She does what she is able to do, but she fully trusts in GOD for the things she is not able to do! So we have every reason to REJOICE!
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (Phillipians 4:4)
On verse 30, we see that the writer is reminding us women not to put our trust in our physical appearance, as these are things that are temporary. Yes, it is good to look beautiful and attractive to your husband, but at the end of the day, true beauty comes from being a woman who fears the Lord. That is what makes us beautiful, inside and out! The Lord delights in us living lives which glorify Him, and when we do that, by His power, we will receive the praise from our children and husbands!
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
(Proverbs 31:30-31)
The last verse 31, shows us that a virtuous woman is also a woman of good testimony. Her actions speak for themselves. As virtuous women, we should be filled with good deeds, as this is the result of God’s love in our lives. It does not mean every woman who does good deeds is virtuous, but that if you are a virtuous woman, you will have good deeds. Jesús explains to us that in order for us to produce good fruit, we must abide in Him in John 15:4-5, see below. Many may try to imitate good deeds, but good deeds that please the Lord, can only be done as a result of abiding in Him.
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
(John 15:4-5)
I hope this message was a blessing to you, as it was to me! May we be filled with the Holy Spirit daily and abide in Him daily, so we can become the virtuous wife that pleases the Lord and does good for her family and all those around her.
♡ Proverbs 31:10-31 ♡ NKJV
10Who[c] can find a [d]virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16She considers a field and buys it;
From [e]her profits she plants a vineyard.
17She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29“Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
God Makes All Things New 